I'm Jus @ Gurl...

2008-10-05T22:14:00.002+08:00

I found out that nowadays I blog more than I did before O level was closer. Now I know why, I'm stressed and the only thing help me now is putting it all in this blog. To write my feelings down and keeped it locked, my own lil secret where no one else can read except the readers and I. It doesn't seem like much of a secret if everyone who is anyone can read it. But my parents, my family they don't know my blog address. They can't read this.

Nowadays, the cause of all my stress is my family and the os. And I feel like if I do not write all of this down I might just burst one fine day before o.

I don't understand I really don't. My dad says he listens to me but seriously? He doesn't. He saids he's tired of listening to me. And I'm wondering when did he ever? I let him rule me, he says come back by this time, I do. He tells me today we're going out, I do. He tells me do the laundry, I do. When I told him I can't go out anymore, does he listen to me? No. When I tell him Nabil is annoying, does he listen? No.

When My brother and I are fighting, he tells us please stop playing. When my brother and I are joking he tells us stop fighting. Now I'm laughing at how ironic he is. He says that he understands things better than a lot of people, he says people respects him. And here I'm thinking yeah right. He says people knows he's not one to play with and they respect that. But human nature is not like that not everyone respects people like him. Most will find him arrogant and bossy. He doesn't get it.

He was telling our family how christine, his worker, wanted to come to our house for hari raya. He recounted the conversation to us. He thought it was funny how he rejected her and she somehow dumbly insists that he's going to invite her. I didn't find that funny at all. When he told me the exact sentence she said and how she presisted. She wasn't acting dumbly at all, she was embarassed and rather than accept the truth and back down shamefully being rejected, she pretended like he said nothing. Because it hurt being rejected the way my father did to her. It was horrible.

It sucks being rejected like that and being the butt of his jokes were even worse. He says he always tries to understand people's feelings but he doesn't. Because I don't find embarassing people funny at all. I do it at times but not until people felt horrible like how christine must have felt.

And he's the first person I ever felt like screaming my head off. When he scolds my brother, my mother and I, or even his colleagues. I would silently scream. It irritated me, hearing his voice scolding people, if I was in my room and he scolded my brother I would close my ears, open my mouth and let out a silent scream. If he scold his colleagues on the phone and shouted at them, making them feel worse than dogs, I would frown and clench my fist.

It was the way he scold people, it made you feel angry, scared and annoyed even if you aren't the one he directed his anger at. It makes you think he doesn't know what he's talking about and yet it made you seem like the most lowest being on earth. I would feel like banging my head onto something just to get his annoying voice out of my head or tear my ears off just because of that.

Now i'm laughing he just scolded my brother,and I did the same ritual I scrunched my ears as though trying to tear them off, and I screamed but nothing comes out. It's ironic how he says he's not biased but in truth he is, when he scolds my brother he will bring me in but he scolds me, he will say nothing about my brother.

He says that everybody in the house did the same thing. They can't do anything properly except him. He says I can't do the dishes properly and I don't do it on time. But i was thinking I always do the fucking dishes properly so at times I miss a few things, am I not a freaking human being? And yes sometimes I would delay doing the dishes but I do it on the same day and do it before he comes home. Sometimes he comes home earlier than expected, is it my fucking fault? And what fucking right does he have to say about me not doing the dishes properly? At least most of the things I wash are cleaned properly.

Once I slept in my cousin house or camp. Not sure which, but for three days. I came back and was told to put back the dishes, guess what? I found out that all the dishes were fucking dirty. Guess who washed it? Yes, my father. I suspected my brother so I was about to scold him till my mother told me it was my father. How fucking ironic he is, complaining about one or two dishes in my fucking lifetime not cleaned properly when all his dishes weren't washed properly and I end up rewashing three days of his ' clean' dishes. Fuck him.

Regrets

2008-09-30T12:13:00.005+08:00

Regret was the one thing I promised never to do after I saw my mother breaking down and crying. It hurts too much that you know what you should have done and wouldn't do. And the future doesn't seems so bright as you get caught by the past, asking yourself why you didn't do it.

Though it aches my heart to say I regret not telling him 'bout my feelings. Regret not convincing him that I really like him. I know it is a chance I gave away and might never redeem. And I keep thinking if I had done just that will things turn out differently?

Can I turn back time say sorry for the many sadness I brought my mother? Or stop my parents from fighting over and over again till their screams echoed in my ears every night. Should I have not told my best friend to take a chance with the guy I've liked for six years for my own selfish needs?

Now regret is the only thing I can think of as I pushed him away. Scared that I might cry myslf to sleep every night we were apart like I used too. And only the oblivion welcoming me, protecting me from my own nightmares.

But I can't say I love him. Cause what those a sixteen year old girl knows about love?

2008-08-23T20:33:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wondered about you and me,
Have you ever thought of what used to be,
At how fast we grew apart,
And how it's slowly breaking my heart,

Do you even care, do you ever hear?
How I'm to fare, or the screams of my fears.
So when I'm gone away,
I can still hear you say,

"I love you"
What a lie,
"I see you"
But I've got nothing to hide.

You've got me mesmerized.
As you drown me in your lies.
So now hear me scream so you can see,
This is not a dream nor your little fantasies,

You can't tie me up, nor make me a doll.
Nor can I blame you for the reason of my fall,
But I'm not going to lie,
So I have to tell you now, I can't get over you at all.

How surprising. Got dumped by my guy. Yet I feel strangely sad. But not because of him but for the one before him. I guessed we weren't meant to be. How drama. Can't sleep. I don't think I can get over him.

If Life Was So Simple

2008-08-13T18:22:00.003+08:00

I've been cryin too much lately. You know how disappointment just takes the best out of you. Well, let's recap on my fruitful life so far.

I've gotten my MT results I got c6 hurray! Cried for five to ten minutes. English Oral found myself stuttering for the first time during oral. I never stutter during conversations. And that day seems to be the day that I finally do. DPA rejected. Cried for ten seconds seriously.

I want nothing else better to do than give up but I can't. SO today must do bio finish. I must continue to study. I'm going to try my hardest for that psychology course. I will do anything to get it.

So praying that I will get what I want. I have to study. Have fun.

2008-07-17T19:30:00.002+08:00

1)what disappoints you the most?

Ans: The afterglow of sex

2)Where would you go if someone sponsors you a air ticket?

Ans: Africa! To be with all the half naked Afican men!

3)Whats your favourite thing to do?

Ans: Sleep. Stare at nothing. Talk to Ben and Nick.(Nicholas, his name sounds so nerd.)

4)Do you think money can buy happiness?

Ans: If it indirectly gets me ***.

5)If you have one dream to come true ,what will it be ?

Ans: Helping pshyco people like Rachel and humphery?

6)Do you believe in love in first sight?

Ans: Do you ask that to blind ppl too?

7)What are you afraid to lose?

Ans: My smelly bed toy!

8)If you win one million,what would you do?

Ans: Go to Japan. Live in Japan. Marry in Japan with Kanata!

9)What do you dream of doing in the future?

Ans: Travelling the world!

10)List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?

Ans: She touches me. She's needy. And graceful at times.

11) Do you believe in fate?

Ans: When I come face to face with a pillar.

12) What do you think it is the most important in your life?

Ans: Family friends.$$$$

13) If it's the end of the world ,what will be your last wish?

Ans: To not have the end of the world? What a dumb question.

14) if you have a chance to choose,would you like to come back in time?

Ans: Totally wouldn't embarass myself in front of YZ

15) What reminds you of sex?

Ans: Dick

16)What is the stupidest thing you have done?

Ans: Being myself.

17)Define happiness.

Ans: When you're not stuck with a truckful of homework(that you're not going to touch.)

18) Who is the guy on your mind now?

Ans: Nick-oh-las

19) What type of person you hate most?

Ans: People?

20) Do you tell people how u feel when your down?

Ans: Yes. No. Depends on what I'm down on.

I refuse to tag other people so if you see my blog you tag, you don't then don't.

What the hell? POP tomorrow. Damn tired, don't feel like it. Have to like it.

No Longer

2008-05-24T17:49:00.003+08:00

Do you know this whole week is nothing but a rollercoaster ride. Or to be more specific we're just at the part where it all goes downhill. It's where the scariest part is the most exhilirating part. Excitement, achievement, courage and fear all bundled in one.

My cousin went to hospital, his head hurt in the right but the part of the body that hurts was on the left.

My auntie got mobbed, well pushed or banged when she was locking up the library, to the point where she hit the pillar and fainted.

Another auntie from my mother's side, fainted due to stress and when I met her in the hospital, the strong woman I once knew was lying in the bed, deathly pale. I couldn't even comfort my cousin who was sobbing quietly. And it scared me. the three boys only had their mother to find comfort in. The father, at that time, didn't look like the kind of person you can depend on.

But that's not for me to say.

And today, oh god, today. Was the second worst day of my life. And I thought this things like this always happened to other people, always happened to other families. Maybe I was just denying it, hoping that we could keep up the pretense of being one whole big family again. That nothing was wrong and eveything would be just fine.The fights that had gone on wasn't much. It was so little that I thought it wasn't such a big deal. So why should I make a fuss about it?

And maybe I should be analysing this a bit further but all I did was cry when my father told me the news. Somehow, I knew this was going to happen, all over again. I kept telling myself why, why did it have to happen to me. But I was being so selfish, this always happen to everyone but this time it happened to me. Not once but twice. And I was right, I told Sharon this would happen again and it did.

The funny thing was, eventhough I knew the consequences that came with it, eventhough I had little knowledge of it when it happened when I was younger. I knew the full extent of the aftermath, but it didn't hurt me like it did last time.

But my father and mother should be happy. Even if it meant being apart. And now no longer in denial, I accept this.

Thank you, and out,

Nisa

2008-04-27T10:42:00.004+08:00

Tired damn tired.

I can't study anymore. I tried the maths tys yesterday. And i found out I couldn't do even half of the questions. Pathethic.

I am resolved. I will start practising amaths and emaths 3 or 4 months before the 'o's. And I will continue until the 'o" is finished. HAH!

I'm going to do it no matter what. But I will practise maybe before that because of prelim. I will do amaths and emaths in the afternoon everyday. and the different subjects every night.

'O' level sucks. But I'm not stupid enough to cut my wrists for it.

I just read a friend's blog. And I find out that she keeps begging this guy to stead with her.

Anyway....

To girls out there with pride. Don't go around begging and making a fool of yourself. I find girls who ask guys out knows what they want in life but insisting that the guy should go out with you, is shameful. It really shows your lack of morals.

FUN FACT

Fig 1.1

Fig 1.2

What's the difference between fig 1.1 and 1.2?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

I found this while i was browsing the internet.

The top picture is the powerpuff girls from Japan!

2007-08-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

Harlo!! This is my hiromua dream. This was like just a draft. I was bored and nothing else better to do so I draw this. But long time ago. He's cute. isn't he? MUahahakz I'm in love with him. Reine tried to steal hiromu but he's mine! all mine! Hahakz.

2007-08-11T17:30:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Ooook. I saw rachel ,reine and charmaine's blog all of them had pets. CHarmaine had two.

I do not like purple ponies! Hedgehogs not mai taste and pigs would have been bad for my blog and mai cousin would scold me if she saw it. SO I SAY!

Bat and llamma's are the best! Bat because they're so cute. And llama cause they're so weird. I named them sweetie pie and lamma mamma ( Yeah I know no originality but so be it they're both cute!

2007-08-11T17:22:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Mai cute lamma mamma it loves me.

Favourite quotes

2007-08-05T17:49:00.000+08:00

I was so bored today so got nothing to do. SO I'm going to put some quotes , I heard or seen, k?

1. Homophobes are homosexuals in denial.

2. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. ( Sick hahakz)

3.The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. (Love this one)

4. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? (Gotta tel ms chan)

5. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. (dotz..dats what mai father sae)

6. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

7. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

8. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway

9. If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.

10. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

Ok finish. I understand all the quotes if you do then you're bloody stupid. Kidding hahakz

2007-08-01T18:40:00.000+08:00

Today was completely irritating. Go home late again. Every fucking time go back home. Too lazy to upload any more cosplay convection papers going to soon. Haven't done any homework since forever. People giving me weird looks. I go MLG to find mai malay proj Guess what? NOT THERE! And because of mai lousy language in malay I took like 2 frigging hours to do a passage and its gone.

Fuck it ok. Damn tired of this. Going to do homework. One couldn't hurt could it? CHarmaine told me to do so might as well. I'm going to do one and see if shes happy. Damn still nid to save to buy that damn bag.

I want to go jogging today too. I noe the last two days I went jogging but it won't work. I need to do today too. Damn Just because of that guy I'm doing dis. But I won't give up. hahakz

Hahakz talked about acronyms with paul today it had to do abt something I said bout IMH. So I made BIH. You won't know what it is. Only charchar noes hahakz. Go library today need to do proj but everything haywire and never get to do so I just borrow two books.

NCC there's this cute sec 1 guy I tynk he grow up very handsome its not a mly I tynk hes chinese. SO cute the outfit to big on him. I stared at him the whole. I tynk Im stalker-potential. One day Im going to try to be a bona fide stalker.

Hahakz GTG now, parents coming home soon and need to jog. So ciao and see ya.

Signing out,

Nisa

Anime convection

2007-07-28T16:40:00.000+08:00

POT! Prince of tennis Tennis no ouhjisama! So many just for them another one of the shots in the convection . I like Ryoma the best! The whole damn team. There's two eiji though

Kingdom hearts. The whole teams! The performance funny but the costume is so accurate. The weapons also! Love it!

Kingdom hearts damn funny. One of them I think Said 'oh shit!" Hahakz it was like so funny it was Axel should be. And we laughed like hell. The enemy one of them broke the weapon it was a piece fell out. SO embarrassing!

.hackGU//!!!!!!!!!! So nice. They even had the belly button to scratch and the performance was mild but I love the costumes! Its a game frm ps2. The inscriptions were nice.

Cloud! I was squeeling when I saw him. Me, Amanda .Chichi and HaoYang were already seated so we only saw the big sword. But when we spotted him . We pushed Amanda and Chichi to take pictures. Look at him! There were so many Clouds but this was the best. All the others were not nice enough!

But then I was left with Haoyang. I disturbed him by showing off the yaoi pictures I bought he was reeling in disgust and I laughed at him.

Haruhi Suzumiya. See closely k? She's from SOS. She's by herself not in a group.
Ok I'll give you a close-up!

Now Look at 'her' closer! It's a him hahakz. So daring but he was so cool.

Its The haruhi team nice. They were dancing the dance in SOS. Melancholy Of Haruhi Suzumiya. It was totally exacT!

Janice! She's one of my classmates in manga class But she's higher. Hahakz so cool right her outfit? The doll she is holding is damn heavy I tried carrying it. And it was seriously heavy! She is playing as one of the bleach characters she wasn't with a group just herself.

The Bleach group. They come as a group so they posed as one too. So nice right the outfit? I was like so happy.Going to show joanne.. Soon!

Dark CHi. There were two of them. Got one light chi but it was one of the judges.

I guess the whole day was fun I want to post somemore pictures but damn lazi I'll post bit by bit from time to time. Anime convection at downtown east so many colours.

Ms Roxanne and Mr Hafiz and their team

2007-07-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

hmmmm Ms Roxanne and Mr Hafiz and his frenz hahakz.

Ms Roxanne is the mage with golden face and black robe. Mr Hafiz is the one in the armour so damn nice!!!

They're like so cool. Our manga teachers!!!! Amanda took the pictures and gave it to me. We actually got a pic with ms roxanne and us but I don't know where it is. I think the novel is called dragon lance they're the whole team!

2007-07-17T19:37:00.000+08:00

I wanted tot alk about Sunday at the cosplay but I need to get all the pic frm amanda first heh so anotha dae then.

I'll talk about yesterday then today heh hahakz

Yesterday in the morning I was eating the banana mai mother left so I ate it and I saw my brother seating down at the couch waiting for the time to go to school. So I pointed at my banana then I say " big banana" then I pointed at my brother's crotch and I said ' small banana' Hahahakz that was sick.

Then at night during tuition both me and Jia Hwei were sick so we were not in our right mind. So we kept laughing and laughing. We couldn't stay in the tuition room coz to cold so we go the study corner do the work its near the toilet. Over there we were so emo. We were like talking about the person we like then we both became sad. Den after that we were laughing about something stupid and Jia Hwei laugh until her head bang the fire extunguisher so funny. Sori gurl.

Then we went back inside the room we were like answering the questions on waves we had to draw the wave front so I saw Jia Hwei draw one part has to be further apart the other has to be nearer together so I commented that the lines would go closer and closer till they have sex hahakz

then in the classroom we just laughed and laughed. We were talking bout mummy and just waving everywhere like crazy.

We had to do work again so we went out to the study corner again then after that I tynk Kai Ming went into the toilet and I saw got a hand then got eye popping out ( its a painting) It was creepy then when Kai Ming went away we heard marbles we laughed it off but It was still there so we ran hahakz. It was near the toilet! Even wen me or her go in the toilet to wash hands or sumting we made sure the toilet was open we use our legs or butts hahakz so crazy.

2007-07-17T19:27:00.000+08:00

My brother at his wakeboarding on sat. Like I said he finally made it to two rounds. heh

2007-07-14T19:27:00.000+08:00

What I wrote on the BMS paper

What did you do?

Stepped into whitesands

Why did you do it?

I stalked a handsome guy.

Did you know what you did was wrong?

No, I did nothing wrong.

How are you going to correct your mistake?

Nothing to correct. Whitesands public place. I did not break a law.

Fine It was childish

WHy am I writing it here? To show how childish I am But I was so annoyed at him everytime Mr Sam talk I'll talk back in a rude manner. But I can't help it He look at us like we were criminals.

2007-07-14T18:33:00.000+08:00

Today is okay I guess. Bio morning with ms chan then chem with ms kang. I think I lost the blue file. AGain -.-

Then I went Bedok corner. I never ate anything only the one I bought from minimart, it was nice hahakz. I only drank at bedok corner so that means I had no lunch AGAIN. Hahakz

Went wakeboarding with mai bro and dad. I don't do wakeboard. I'm too scared of water. Yeah, I'm a big wimp. But it's mai cuzzins fault she almost drowned me when we were younger. I'm never swimming again. My brother could finally do two rounds! Eventhough he used a kneeboard it was still cool. I mean I would be flying when they take off. I got pictures but I'm too lazy to upload. I'll do it tomorrow or the next day, or whatever.

It was kind of weird , maybe disturbing this guys ask for mai number there but I was irritated I mean I went there to cheer for mai younger bro and there they are disturbing me. And because my brother told them that I couldn't give mai num because I mean mai dad was there just sitting down on his armchair so leisurely, I'm gonna get a picture of that next time.

They freaking splashed my brother.

Okay so it was accidental but damn I wanted to kill them and they showed off in front of me too. I mean Im so ugly how desperate can they get? And they even blamed mai brother for bullying me just because whenever he falls I run to him and help him out and carry his board back. That is so fuck. I do what I do because I want too. Nobody forces me.

I miss Byron I never got to tok to him hahakz.

hmmm Got nothing else to say. Gotta go now, damn bored hahakz.

2007-07-13T22:24:00.000+08:00

Okay, today was kind of sucky oso. Hahakz I was so groggy in the morning I think I was lost somehow. I mean I woke up and I was thinking where am I. I wanted to go to the toilet, you know bathe and all then I found myself at the dustbin and I stared at it, wondering what was it. I was too lazy to on the lights and my little brother came out and he screamed hahakz. It was kind of scary seeing that my hair was messy and I was sure I was moaning. Don't know why though. Maybe I'm just that moody in the morning.

School was the same I had done the malay homeworl the day before but I had to redo it yesterday just because it was messy. The second draft was messy too. I'm just messy.

Got bms today we came later go library yiting n roti needed to use the tablet pc. Then me and sharon play. Oh sharon showed me the guys blog, the one who's stalking her and he's disturbingly disgusting, he has a girlfriend yet there's to say he wants another. Those kind of people annoys me to death.

But I saw the Guy three times today damn happy. ARGh but I hated Hadi so damn irritating I wanna gourge his eyes out for looking at me.

Mr Wilson Tan so cute. He kept calling me Jawahir's daughter , he knows my father, I can't go bms later my dad will know.. He said he will tell mai dad, so I told mai dad before he had a chance too. Slept in the bms room. Hahakz finish reading all five manga I brought so I slept lor.

ooooh Mai blog seems dead. No time to even go online. Damn sad. Hahakz every day go home at 5+ got no life already. I swear the teachers book book us like we are objects so annoyed.

I don't mind miss chan though she's so cute. I love her.

I like all the sec 1 cadets they're all cute. But they seems slacked. So its just weird.

One time for the time you love me,
A wish for the wish you gave me,
The life for the life you gave me,
And I need you.

2007-04-30T18:31:00.000+08:00

Todae was really fun I guess . I fell asleep in maths class again -.- No surprise. We sang Rongfu birthdae song he ran awae. Wah lau how nonsense. We so nice go sing song he run awae hahakz. Lame, in the end we chase him just to sing the birthdae song but he hide behind the grass how lame o.0

I talk to Byron just now it was kind off, call mai handphone? Hello it's spoiled. Not like I want a new one. Che. And right after I put the phone down on Byron. The idiot called me. I was so damn fucking pissed. He always choose the wrong time to call. Then he kept asking me who I was talking to just because I ever pick up my handphone. Argh. Saturday Sunday never pester me. Today have to pester me. Sickening. I tried to put down the phone but he won't let me. Then I lie to him sae go tuition. Don't care animore, wanna scold, scold larh.

Oh yeah. Got this sec 4 bitches tynk they so big. Everytym see them wan2 vomit. In the morning their lil boi come to skul I saw him then I pulled sharon there when he come near I purposely point at him and told sharon that is one of the sec 4 bastard. I said very loud, then he walk away. Saw the bitches at whitesands todae. And I keep sayin bitch very loud, And I could see their very annoyed. But if their annoyed they shuld tell me. Stop giving that stupid face.

AAAAh I need to see those two cuties them their adorable. And when isaw cuties I meant elsa's two hamsters and oso Oliver and Jasmine. Maa those cute babies just want to hug them and kiss them.

Ok so yesterday I took care Of jasmine so I did kiss her several times. She keeps crying whenever I put her down. when Nadi carry her oso cry, but oni for awhile den ok. Den I keep having to carry her but i dun mind. its not all the tym that I carry her. Alot of people love Jasmine and everyone wanted to hold her. Aah so cute...

Tomorrow wana go jogging wid elsa but then going movie wid mai parents haiz. Need to study but everytym i study I keep sleeping haiz. Nevermind hhmmm. Still wanting to go jog wid mai dear elsa. Hahakx

Gottago tuition now physics, dont understand pressure T.T then all the way to 10 so tiring nvm. Byebyez.

LOWER SECS ARE SO NOISY. I CANT EVEN SLEEP WHEN THEY SCREAM DURING THEIR RECESS. DAMN LARH. But some are cute so I don't mind. dear Grace hahakz love her.

Signing off,
Nisa

Inability to blame myself

2007-04-30T18:04:00.000+08:00

I blame you for all the trouble that I caused,
I blame you for all the time that was lost,
I blame you when my heart was breaking,
I blame you when my mind keeps fading,

I blame you for the love that you give,
I blame you for the hatred I recieve,
And I blame you for the inability to blame myself...

Did this poem when I was angry with mai mom and dad, Love them both but sometimes kinda hurts just being with them you know.

I love them so much and the little things they say will affaect me of course, Not really a big deal, but come on, you have to agree with me. Your mom and dad keeps blaming themselves for how you've become so kinda you have to love them neh.

2007-04-23T19:02:00.000+08:00

The days gone by,
And I'm afraid.
In mai mind,
so many things left unsaid.

Ran around and around
I dropped a coin,
and i can't hear a sound.

I see the boy in the far corner,
I see him smile but its hard to smile back,
I don't want him to escape any further,
So I ran to the lake,

I gave mai sorrow goodbyes,
Exchanged for mai love's love,
In the reflection of the water,
Shows the sky above,

And I can see you,
Just like the blue in the sky,
I hope you know,
I will always love you...

2007-04-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry for being a bitch

For the past few daes

cant blame it on stress

coz never do homework

but to those that i have hurt

or said fuck to

I'm sorry

but to you that do deserve it

Go Fuck yourself

I know its wrong but i hav to tell you something about mai frenz

one of them is rachel. SHe's mai

Poop

Thank you for listening

2007-04-21T17:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday

It was weird yesterday was kind of okay. Though there was this gurl staring at me and its kind of lame -.- I tynk I'm hanging ard Rong Fu and Wei Bing too much People stare oso i get pissed. What nonsense? Maybe the whole day I was just pissed But god that friday didn't even feel like a friday.

Wei Bing got kicked out of the MRL after school hahakz, He keeps disturbing AAron goy! Hahakx that was so cool. But I was helping oni abit for Wee Ling coz I typed abit faster so I help her typed than I had to sit in front of Aaron Goy! Damn Lah. Then this gurl Keep staring at me in the MRL. If she got problem just tell me larh! Stare-Stare oso no use kaez!

Bastard

Yesterday he called me five freaking times! Then he kept threatening me and it was fucking annoying. Damn I can't even keep up with school, then have to face that bastard! After school , when I was out with byron, kenneth and Kai Lin, he called two times. And I fucking cried. Luckily I didn't let him hear me cry. Then another time at school! Then at the white sands library with sharon, rong fu they all he call and I had to hide at the racks! Siao arh he!

Sad

I couldn;t go out with Zi-irah todae, had to study.... Damn sad I missed mai cuz so much too. Break mai heart too

Change mai blogname?
Char-char choose the blog name for me ^.^ I felt like putting it. Thanx Char-char Love ya

Squishy Butt

Today i went to my bros room complained to him but he was playing his xbox so he didnt listen but I didnt mind, at least he was there. After that I lied on his back and I squished his butt. Hahakz then he told me.

Mai Butt IS Not A Pillow

You Can Fluff Larh!

HAPPy Birthday Ms Chan

We love you!!!!

Your maii second favourite

MUMMY!!!

Mai first mai own mum larh..

But you're still the best Teacher! And so cute!

Love you!!

Ja ne,

Nisa Hates Pink

2007-04-07T21:04:00.000+08:00

I hate Aaron Goy!!

Hate him!! How can he harrass maii Kai Lin like that? First Roti then Kai Lin. If I could strangle him I would. Oh and don't think I'm very stupid or ense ok. I don't judge him by how he looks, That fat ugly disgusting bastard. Mostly I hate it because he is arrogant and spoilt.

Who the Hell he think he is! One time I saw him at the second flr (I was at the first flr) shouting no screaming at someone. Siao arh he!

And one time while I was walking to school with Jun Hao, Let's get this straight I don't meet Jun Hao at the same time everydae, Somehow we jus bump into each otha coz we share the same bus stop and end up walking to school with him. He's just a friend so when we were at the traffic light there after we alighted we met Thar Hwe.

I was talking to Thar Hwe then we were on the subject of the 'bastard'. I told him that Aaron was crazy coz he shout that time one the second floor. Thar Hwe told me ya, told me it was because Thar Hwe and his fren go and corner him, because he never do his part in the proj work then he go shout back at them when he's the one at fault.

DISGUSTING REVOLTING. I HATE HIM.

Boring...

Today had tuition and I was like the onli one, coz its additional tuition class. So boring. And guess what I actually did all the freaking A maths task that teacher gave me. He's not maii real teacher for tuition he jus there on Saturdae. He talk lyk Donald Duck. Do you noe how crazy I felt? I was lyk laughing to maiself everytym he tok. Damn sad sia.

I'm mentally challenged.

I opened the refridgerator just now. And in maii mind I was lyk should I take orange juice or milk? I personally lyk milk better than orange juice. But I knew that orange juice would disappear fast unlyk milk coz most of the tym I'm the only one drinking it.

So maii mind and heart was lyk conflicting.

I'll show eu

Maii mind: Nisa euu should take orange juice!

Maii heart: Nisa euu should take milk. You love milk!

Mai mind: Ur lil infuriating bro would drink from the orange juice carton his bad breadth and mouth that drools in his sleep would cover his mouth on that orange juice carton.

Both me and maii heart shuddered.

The story?

I had trouble sleeping last nyt so I slept in maii bros room on the floor. And do eu noe how he sleep? He literally pushes everything out of the bed. His snores I can endure its not lyk I dun snore at nyt but then he was drooling! So Disgusting! I was lyk EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK.

When he turned you can see the saliva sliding from the mouth.

Mai mind: You see Take the orange juice!

Maii heart: You should take the Milk.

When I finally came back into maii senses I was lyk damn Nisa eu siao oredi arh? Eu toking to urself! And yes I was so surprised I couldn't even think proper English. Sue me!

So that's maii dae

Ja ne, Nisa

Fun day?

2007-03-30T21:15:00.000+08:00

Mai Crazy

Day

Well It's not that Crazy But it's Crazy Enough. Guess what ? I went out of my mind doing the bio project. So stressful sia. Hahakz Especially since I'm lazy its harder to do. Hmmm today quite boring!!! We got maths in the morning then after that Mother Tongue test and I stared at the paper like it was from an alien's language!

Yesterday I made this idiotic test. At 12 midnyt to 3 I did the whole stupid thing. I couldn't sleep so I made it up. It was so lame!!! Damn it... I should never do it when i'm half-awake. No matter how bored I am.

Gay Husband?

Yesterdae nyt so cool sia. I met maii other half (besides Kai Lin of course) We had the same dreams. We wanted gay husbands who would have affairs with their gay boyfren. Her fren looked at us lyk we were crazy.

They were the two new students, their not exactly beginners they jus came from the monday class to mai thursday class. Her fren even tot I was sec 2!

I wish upon a star

Tho I wish I was. I'm still wondering if it's wrong to lyk a guy who's younger than you? I mean he's just one year younger. So it's ok ryt?

Everyone tell me it's ok but I keep thinking it's wrong. Hahakz Horrible sia.

True frenz?

Wrong Frenz?

Char-char freaked out on me. Hahakz She said that Joanne tynks only Cherie her oni true fren coz thats what Joanne msged her.

But the whole thing is based on miscommunications. Then now she don't want to eat recess with us?

I dunno arh so weird sia. Our group now falling apart. Nowadaes always gt nothing to tok. But I don't mind as long as we still have fun hahakz. 'FUN' How wrong that sounds. If you guyz noe wad I mean. That means I'm not the only one with a dirty mind.

Kidding Aniwae Frenzship good as long as it lasts hahakz.

Bou rocks maii socks!!

I heard from my friend that Bou wants a gurl who can cook, lyks to play video games and basketball.

I love basketball and I can cook okay, if you dare to try it of course, Don't worry I'll get an ambulance ready. Video games not really into, I only play with mai bro occassionally.

Then Maii fren sae that he might as well marry a guy! And I was agreeing that would be so cool!

Me and maii fren lyks gurly guys then Mr Hafiz made a comment the gurl from the other side of the room more advanced than me draw manly gurls.

Mr Hafiz freaked out sia! He said our side lyk gurly guys while the otha lyks manly gurls, Weird sia he.

You might have noticed that I put mai fren name as well maii fren. The reason is simple I can't remember her name, coz its in chinese and only saw her for three times so don't noe la.

Ja ne,

Nisa

Life . Life!

2007-03-29T18:01:00.000+08:00

What I
Hate!

I did the most stupidest thing in PE! I ran one more extra round. We're suppose to only run 5 rounds for 2.4km jog. But I heard wrongly and ran 6. I got 19.16 but maii actual timing for 2.4 is 15 min I asked teacher when I was in my 5th round. So when it's maii 6th round I got 19.16 min. So actually I passed.

She scares
me !

Wah lau I didn't know SiDing was so demanding, so scary siak. But I guess she just want good grades, But still scares me hahakz.

Rain!

It rained today. Me, Rachel, Reine, Charmaine ran across through the rain. Wet sia! Damn Wet. But doesn't matter. I left earlier than the rest of the class,, they had to stay back for physics, I had too oso but I had to go home, My mother doesn't allow me outside too long. -_-

Biology!

SiDing wants me to do the movie, Maii eyes can't open. Damn tired sia. I don't know how to do. The movie so jumbled up. So pissed with the thing. But nevermind, I have to do my part, I just wished I knew where Siding was. I need her now!

Mai Life
is boriing !

That's why I'm wondering why you all are reading this.

Love you all!

Ja Ne,
Nisa.

Todae's the dae I sleep

2007-03-28T16:56:00.000+08:00

Damn sia!

That irritating Mr teo. He tok tok tok, I fell aslp, this is the third time this week! I'm so gonna fail my Amaths tho I'm doing very well failing by maiself.

New Blog!

I love Kai Lin. She made this blog for me! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I needed this so much. bou's maii favourite Boii! Ever! Love you Kai Lin! She gave me this weird song, Gay boyfriend I heard it once in youtube. So nonsense sia. Doesn't matter aniwae hahakz I feel so sad Rachel call maii blog funny hahakz, Today she learned why boobs are called boobs by me. Hmmm I came up with the answer lyk three years ago when Esther asked me. Hahakz And yes it was an original answer from me! I came to skul in the morning abit later than usual and I cried.

Why?

First Yesterday, I was pissed at Aaron and I gave him the middle finger, And I cursed him. He's so annoying, we don't want him but he's always there, damn change lah. Freak arh! He thinks he's superman he run his hand behind his back lyk power rangers. Dork! Then he think he so cool. Today he shouted at his frenz. Bastard.
Ytd during Marching wif NCDCC, I fought wid Hui xiang then since we just beside each other. We no mood march properly, so everyone hands up marching properly we jus walk in the squad.

Annoying sia!

In the middle night, I got this muscle cramp and it was painful. I think I passed out from the pain. I was already in my bed but when I woke up I was sleeping wrongly so I knew the pain really happened.
I woke up late, And I was so pissed I actually cried and maii dad woke up. He sent me to school. Damn I'm so pampered. Just that when I'm out of my comfort zone, I just cry for an unreasonable thing.

Sad?

Mai cuz told me bout her and her bf so I felt so bad for her sia. She told me her boyfriends couch told him to break up wid her in front of her, the couch. That lady annoying sia. She made my cuz cry, Who the hell she think she is? Telling him how to control his life that he broke up wif mai precious cuz. Fuck her sia. I hope she dies or something.

Petition

Charmaine told me abt the petition to change Mr Teo. He can't teach properly siak. He can't explain properly he expect everybody to understand. Haiz...

Headache? Bad day?

Nah, just another day. Not all mai daes are filled lyk this. there's some daes are better. I swear! I hope tomorrow. Coz I'm going to see the dorky but cute new guy tmr during manga! Hahakz

Dat'll cheer me up!

Love you all!

Ja ne,
Nisa

Imperfection

2007-03-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt useless? Unwanted? So paranoid that you suspect everyone's out to get you? I'm so far from other ppl. I don't know who's close to me anymore. I look at other people and they seem to want to get away from me.

Paranoia, I hate this feeling. Everytime I walked I feel eyes on me. I feel like they tynk I'm horrible. It's horrible to feel this freaking insecureness. Sometimes I feel a black hole would swallow me up.

That's why if people see me walking alone, I'll be glaring at everyone. Unless it's old ladies, I would smile of course. But I can't help it. The world's not against me. It's more that I'm against the world. The harder I push, the harder it is to change my personality.

I walked with Sharon and the other's today. And I felt freakingly left out. Isit that bad? To tynk even your own friends don't want you? Tch, I hate being pisces.

But I slept in maths class todae, the whole period and Mr Teo never said anything I was surprised. Hahakz I'm still happy.

Poem of the day?

I like the feeling of your hands on my waist,
As you hold me tight towards yours chest,
Telling me of all the problems that we faced,
We passed the test,

Fate threw us together, They can't break us apart,
Even if it's a little, Hope lives in our heart,
The need for comfort over-riding, our fears,
There's a need to hold our love ones near,

Weak as it is, It's real,
Our ideals, our dreams, what we feel,
Tied together with a red thread,
Twisted together, don't need to fret,

There's no such thing as a forever,
But our love will last an eternity,
In our hearts like an everlasting reminder,
It's not forever, let's make the best of it

Love you all!!

Nisa,
Signing out

Sports day mayhem

2007-03-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

Let's talk about yesterday, k? It was sports day in the morning at 5 I woke up I waited till 530 since it was raining then I smsed all the ppl i noe and asked them if still have sports day and most said yes so I went anyway. The bus I passed by one bus stop and Nizam was there and he boarded, luckily. And I decided to follow him coz I didn't know how to go to the stadium, heh. I'm hopeless.

In the stadium it was just a racket. I was so freaking mad At the DM Bad enough we had to guard the back of the stadium but she wanted us to stand senang diri behind. Siao arh! Until 12. In the end we never listen and still moved. But it was so irritating coz I was at the discoverers side sia. But I was happy when i found out Charmain Joanne and Ruo ting go discoverers side. Sad for Sharon sia, she had to be in the rain I felt her hands and she was damn cold. Oh yeah Shofi ran! I only saw her second race where she got second. She's so cool. But the damn Dm talk to me then I couldn't cheer for her. Argh damn irritating.

Oh then this cute sec 1 boy lost his wallet and he was so small, I think his name is Rizuan and he's friend Justess was equally cute. OH anyway, There were the malay boys sitting at the corner near the railings and they were damn annoying, I had to stop them several times. But when they found out about Rizuan and his wallet they were really sweet and they tried to help! I was so happy. But they still couldn't find it.

And I was stuck with the lower sec of Ncdcc so they were too scared and embarrased to tell anyone to back off so I had to do it. Sigh. But it was fun. Nearing the end of the sports day, I gave up and sat down at the back , really tired.

Then Byron and Kenneth I think? Came and sit beside me and they asked to look at my handphone I allowed them , they were cute and when they asked for my pringles I gave them. Cause I knew everybody was hungry, at least they asked. Ikhtiari stole them! Argh guyz!!! Can't stand them. Then Wee ling gave me milo ^^ So happy. Then I oso saw my crush at the Thinkers side, he's oreadi from thinkers and I swear I didn't 'accidentally' go to the thinkers side just to see them. I went there to help Karmelia, BUT I STILL SAW HIM!!!!!!!!!

Hahakz that made my day. I went home with Nizam cause I saw him going out of tampines mall and all my frenz go airport can't follow them. So sad. But iT was also fun talking with Nizam in the bus. I bullied him of course. But before I went in the bus. I ATE MUFFINS!!!!!!

Kkz too hyper anyway thanx for reading.

Ja ne,

Nisa

bad luck?

2007-02-17T18:08:00.000+08:00

I can't wake up in the weekend mornings. Argh, it's infuriating. I keep trying but it won't open up.

So in the end me father had to come in and asked me to go breakfast with him. Usually i won't go but it was at Macs and I guess it wouldn'y hurt to spend time with my dad but my brother had to come. After the breakfast and I think I ate Sausage McMuffin. Heh my usual. Then I saw him! He was at the counter I didn't notice him when I ordered my food. But I saw him! Damn, He's hot. Ok I'm overreacting but I don't like him, just a small crush ya know.

So we went to the beach after that. My father asked and I agreed. I love the beach and havn't been there for awhile. Gosh I missed the sea. My brother went to the playground, he lyks it there. My dad sat down at the bench and read his newspaper, I went to the beach awhile barefooted. It was really nice to have the hot sand on my feet. My father saw I was bored so he said I could rent a bike, I wasn't sure at first but I complied. You should have seen me, I didn't know how high I should put the seat, so everyone was watching me readjusting the seat over and over again, heh I think my father almost went mad.

When I finally got it ryt, I sat on the seat and tried to ride it. TRIED because I haven't rode a bike for a long time. Usually I used my skates, but it was incredible. The wind and everything. i passed by the pony stables. It was really cool. Their hairs wasn't soft, kinda rough. I petted it. I think it tried to run away from me. T.T . I think I'm not good with animals though I love them.

When we came back I had to prepare for tuition had to change amaths from sunday to saturday. So when I walked out of the house. My neighbour's door was opened so I could see inside, And The guard kitty as my dad called it was looking out. Then I went near it but still abit far. It crouched down low and I did the same. Then it went back up and I mimicked it. I did everything it did. And it stared at me lyk I was crazy, seriously! Then I felt someone kicked my butt when I bend down again. It was my mother. Heh apparently she had gone up the stairs and saw my ridiculous act and decided to kick me.

So I ran all the way to the tuition centre and so Pai seh sia! The saturday class was for next week. o.O I looked so stupid.

Haiz I should have read the notice.

Scared

2007-02-16T18:57:00.000+08:00

I was bored to death. So I decided to sleep but there's something scary happened to me.

My body couldn't move. But my eyes were open. I could see the booster below my chin, my cupboard, everything around. Well I couldn't see everything. Just the front. But I couldn't move. I wanted to scream my brother's name. He was in his room but Nothing came out. I was damn scared. Then I could see a small dream. I think I was going to sleep. But then the dream was gone. And I could still see the front but I couldn't move. Like I was crushed.

It's not the first time, I think it started from last year. And it's scary all the time. But I guess maybe I 'm just stressed out to the point that I sleep with my eyes open. You know, body asleep, but mind still awake. So I could still think just not move. Only my eyes were opened. I'm getting really tired with all this and I wonder when it'll stop. Maybe I should stop taking naps but even if I sleep at night it will happen. It's a real headache. But Now I feel better.

HAVE A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

o.O That was unexpected.

Why do you cry when you're happy,
Why do you smile when you're sad,
Why do you laugh when you're angry,
And shout when you're all right,

Human emotions. They're useless.

Today I was thinking like Kyouya or was it Conrad? Nevermind. Just observing few things.

Ja ne,

Nisa, signing out

My Borefest

2007-02-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

Okay, First up, I'd talk 'bout yesterday. Since I got no time to post yesterday.

So yesterday was practically a bore fest. I couldn't do my chem test in class and had an opt to do during recess. Which was FREAKING hot, I might add. I was panicking. My chem ain't that bad. But I don't think I study that well. -_- So sad.

Anyway the reason I couldn't take my chem test in classs is because I got this CIP thingy. Which was even more of a bore. I thought we were doing a public thing. And it was a damn lecture. i have to wear my NCDCC uniform just for it!

Argh! I couldn't keep my eyes open. So me and lina were leaning on to each other. I can't stand long talks and while that were some funny jokes, I was so bored I didn't concentrate. And Ms Ng pinched me, well I kinda deserved it, I did make a rude comment. But it was boring. She's a hypocrite , I saw her at the end, sleeping! So in the meantime, I filled myself with skittles to exchange for the lack of concentration, you could say.

The sec 2s were still hyped at the end. So weird.

And Lina was sleeping!!! Hahakz

So that was yesterday. heh

Then went to manga class. She wanted me and Siti to go mcdonalds with her. But I was still so lazy and tired.

Hahakz first thing I did when I reached Elias mall was to buy Green apple milk tea! Then reached the cc. And give everyone the marshmallow's for the valentine's day on wed. So it's kinda Belated Happy Vday for them. I do hope they like it.

Jasmine showed me this book and it had the character chart.

I only know some of them.

1 : Lulu (Code Geass)
2: Kira (Gundam)
3: Athrun (Gundam)
4:Haruhi Suzumiya (Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya)
6: Tamaki (Ouran High)
8: Lacus (Gundam)
9: Edward Elric ( FullMetal alchemist) - personally I lyk Roy better.
11:Kagali (Gundam)
12: Sakura (Cardcaptor sakura)
13:Sakura (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)
15: Haruhi ( Ouran High)
20: L (Deathnote) In love with him
23: Shin (Gundam)
26: Raito (Deathnote)
36: Yuuri ( Kyou Kara Maou) - Hate him 37: Rei (Evangelion) I tynk that's how it's spelt.
39: Hell girl ( Girl from hell)
45: The emporor's wife ( Saingoroku Monogatori)
46: Kyouya Otori (Ouran High)
47: Kaoru Hitachiin ( Ouran High) Mai baby

50: Syaoran (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles)
54: Emperor's brother ( Saingoroku Monogatori)

64: Wolfram ( Kyou Kara Maou ) KYYYAAAA He's damn hot!!

65: Gunter (Kyou Kara Maou) he's too gay heh.

70: Ichigo ( Bleach) Not a real fan.

70: Hikaru (Ouran High) I lyk Kaoru better

77: Fye (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

84: Kurogane (Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

84: Dr Black Jack (Black Jack : Miracles of life)

90 : Naruto (Naruto)

Ja ne,

Nisa signing out

Valentine's day!!

2007-02-14T19:10:00.000+08:00

WOOOHOOO!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! EVERYONE!!!

Heyyy!! Everyone. Today's fun ok. I can't believe all the love I got. Hahakz kidding aniwae. Thanks for the prezzies I appreciate it much. All my lovable people, pls stay lovable. Hope Joanne and Shofiyah have a great day -wink-wink- And all of the couples out there. Stay a couple!

Ok that was stupid aniwae.

Thank euu to this people for their gifts.

Sharon- seaweed!! Honey cornflake!
Ruo ting - Gummi worms!!
Charmaine - 10 small sweets and lollipop!
Wee Ling- Ch0ocolate. Ferero something. I don't know how to spel :(
Shofi- Toberone
Atiqah- Lollipop and MnMs
Joanne- Lollipop and nice cute rubberband ( Though I have short hair, I will wear it when it grows longer 'gain!!)
Kai Lin- Sweet
Cherie- A nice wrapping of different small sweets and chocolate
Shumin- Her nice cookie!
Tiara- Cookie!!!
Rachel- MnM peanut
Germaine - Small sweet
Munirah - Small chocolate heart
The other Atiqah- lollipop
Mary Ann- MnM peanut

And to everyone else who wish me happy Vday!

I hope everyone likes my marshmallows!!

Have a happy Vday! ( I don't know how many times. I've said this)

Happy New Year

2006-01-01T22:44:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to ev3ryone im currently at mai cuzies hse so no much to do hahakz anyway....

BEST WISHES TO EVERYONE ESPECIALLY MAI MUMMY

bcoz i need a better handphone :p

Wishes dont come true

2005-11-30T15:39:00.000+08:00

I wish but it's just not there you know..my heart

My slient tears

2005-11-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

My silent tears,
hides when you're here,
falls when you're gone,
These are my slent tears,

My silent tears,
was there every year,
January night till December mourn,
These are my silent tears,

My silent tears,
Is what you had always known to fear,
Though I'm not the one you hold dear,
These are my silent tears,

My silent tears,
When You had marry her,
And It's just not Fair,
These are my silent tears,

My silent tears,
When you had her safe,
And I'm standing on your grave,
These are my silent Fears...

Crimson Eyes Rejection

2005-11-26T21:13:00.000+08:00

Okay this poem is kind of shounen-ai meaning boy-boy love..
Im not Lesbian but I think the pairing is cute..Takao Kinomiya and Kai Hiwatari..
They're so cute okay before you ask the characters are from Beyblade..childish I know
But Kinda I'm a huge fan for Takao so there :P

Erm this is Kai's pov (Point Of View)

Crimson Eyes Rejection

I am these crimson eyes beholder,
You're not allowed any further,
I know what would happen when you're near my heart,
Slowly, cunningly ,You will rip it apart,

Sorry but I fear only for your harsh rejection,
So I love you were never allowed to be mentioned,
They lived happily ever after is just fiction,
I understood this fact in my cold lonely mansion,

Do you know?I hate touching those sily midnight threads,
Hate it when stormy blue and crimson red met,
Do you know?I hate those sweet delicate fingertips,
Hate those brief touches of your pink luscious lips,

I hate those significant words not mentioned,
And this is my own crimson eyes rejection

Broken Friendship

2005-08-09T11:21:00.000+08:00

No matter how carefully you pick ,,
Best friends just don't stick,,
No matter how many promises u make,,
Some of them, you just need to break,,

Sweet as your friendship seem,,
Desiny merciless, Fate just mean,,
No matter how many tears you cry,,
One day you have to say goodbye,,

Beg as you may,,,
Plead as you wish,,
Sorry I can't stay,,
This conversation is finish...

Holding on

2005-07-18T18:47:00.000+08:00

Holding on was all i could do..without regretting
Hope had always brought me back to you..without hesitating..
Did I ever ask if i should..? move on?
Did i ever ask if i could..? let go?

Could have said many things..to stay...
Should have felt nothing..when I left that day...
So foolish that I even held on...for so long..
So foolish that I moaned..when I knew I was wrong...

Should have known sooner...you weren't after my heart..
Could have felt better..if we were left apart
Deep thoughts left in my mind...
Useless people left behind..

My own choice..My own voice,fate and destiny

2005-07-18T18:28:00.000+08:00

I won the poetry contest i mean im one of the winners..I do not know my position though..Its kind of embarrassing...Cause the title is "Got A Crush On You" and everyone is tynking that im havin a crush on someone...isnt it enuff that they tease me bout a boy now its lyk every time.Nisa who u like? Haikel ryt? I mean who the hell is that guy? i cant stand it Im going crazy *sigh*

Pathethic

2005-07-15T21:35:00.000+08:00

I swear im not sure what im doing,,
Im not even sure if im trying,,
Maybe this is going all wrong,,
Im not sure what im doing but Im jus going along,,

I feel pathethic I need a helping hand..
my words so angsty u couldnt understand
my mind is my own..
But i jus want to be left alone

They're trying to be sympathethic...
But what they're doing is so pathethic..
I feel so dramatic,,
My hope's falling but there's no need to panic...

Told you my mind is my own,,
my hope is my only home,,
Told you i didnt care,,
My feelings I dont share,,

Its so not fair,,
why do i have to cry?
Its so not fair,,
why do i need to lie?

Sry so so sry

It matter not

2005-07-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

It matter not if I cried,,
You dont need to hide,,
Beside her cheap make up my looks are minimal,,
If I stood by her side I am invisible,,

I don't wana be the exception,,
To get even a bit of ur attention,,
I love u so much but we wont be together,,
I love u for free but u dont seem to bother,,

From Now on your name is not mine to hold,,
I feel ur touch and its so cold,,
You love her so much u cant stand being apart,,
But did u even bother looking into my heart??

I would cry for you,,
Cause my feelings are true,,

and Now I jus..jus wish u knew..

Wishing

2005-06-23T19:13:00.000+08:00

Wishing,wanted to tell him i wanted to be his forever,,
Regretting now, 'cause he loves another,,
It's just a useless debate,,
My own choice,, my own fate,,

Desire now doesn't matter,,
Love is just a common factor,,
Hoping that everything will just come to place,,
Wishing that I could just see his face,,

Hopeless tears ran down,,
Feelings of hopes were gone,,
Laying here alone,,
His heart was where i felt was home..

Whatever you do,, I'm left here wishing,,

Running away

2005-06-12T18:43:00.000+08:00

Im so tired this days,,
Of Running away,
Repeating the same lines,,
That is always on my mind,,

I breathe hopeless nothingness,,
All I feel is this cold loneliness,,
Tired of waiting,,
For something that is not happening,,

Waking up,,smelling the sunshine,,
Trying so hard jus to put on a smile,,
Fighting just to stay alive,,
Fighting,,just didn't want to hide,,

Look at me

2005-06-12T18:24:00.000+08:00

Why didn't eeu look at me,,
When I looked at eeu,,
You said we weren't meant to be,,
But is this true?

All the lies I kept believing,,
Cause of the fake love u kept giving,,
Running away i was afraid,,
Not sure of the choices I made,,

Escape

2005-06-12T18:17:00.000+08:00

My only way to escape,,
From my destiny and fate,,
I jus put a fake smile,,
And feel nothing for awhile,,

Cause knowing night and day,,
It's hard to run away,,
Escaping my only hope i hold onto,,
Running away the only thing I can do,,

Dicitonary

2005-06-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

All this words found in the dictionary,,
Their meanings are not what it says to be,,
Before you read,, a small note for eeu,,
What's written here is true,,

Love = jus a fantasy,,
Strange= no one but me,,
Dream = a hopeless future,,
Shadow = jus a fear,,

Laughter= a moaning absence,,
Sobbing = heard when nothing makes sense,,
Happiness = a thing of a past,,
Special Moments = something that doesn't last

Unreachable

2005-06-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

I hear something reaching out from a distance, it's a voice,,
If I reached out to grab it, it's my own choice,,
Every step it took away from me,,
The more I feel it wanted to be free,,

I tried to reach it, following my own heart,,
But as I reached out ,my hopes and dreams all fall apart,,
All I know is that i hopelessly close my eyes,,
Just bcoz of e truth,i believed are lies,,

As hurt took me,I left everything behind,
I cried, as pain filled my heart and my mind,,
I jus can't understand,
And I wished this would end,,

Got A Crush On You

2005-06-10T11:02:00.000+08:00

Got A Crush on you,,
Don't know what to do,,
My heart just keeps pumping,,
My love is still waiting,,

To tell you the truth,,
But Now I don't want to say it,even if I could,,
You came into my life so fast,,
Now I don't Know if I want my feelings to last,,

Cause You didnt even notice me,,
It made me feel we weren't meant to be,,
I even followed you to the canteen and hallways,,
But when you come near I jus run away,,

But then it happened,,
My heart shattered,,
I saw you in someone else's arms,,
My heart broke,my mind raise the alarms,,

Why didn't I told you?My feelings were true,,
So now why am I crying? I HAD..
a crush on you...

This poem is not abt ME!!

All I Need

2005-05-01T10:41:00.000+08:00

All I needs is my friends now,
Cause they don't treat me anyhow,
Now I won't Have sleepless nights,
Cause they're there to tell me it's allright..

Now I know Right from Wrong,
Cause they were guiding me all along,
They're the ones who can make me feel happy or sad,
Now loneliness was something I had..

No more broken feelings,
That's why I'm not crying..

I Don't Care

2005-05-01T10:37:00.000+08:00

I don't care if you're angry or sad,
I don't care if you're happy or just plain mad,
I don't care what you do,
Cause I don't love you..

Cause our Friendship was not strong,
Cause our Friendship was just wrong,
So we broke apart,
By a mere feeling from the heart..

My feeelings are true,
And it's all for you,
I don't care if I'm alone,
Now it's my turn to let go..

Destiny

2005-04-07T16:15:00.000+08:00

Fear,Fate and destiny spreading far and wide,
Those who don't complain, don't need to hide,
The fear, The pain and broken hearts,
Slowly humanity broke apart...

Failure was a walk of shame,
Those who succeed, does not know failure's name,
Even though all this happens, those who fail need not deprive,
Because everyone knows this are factors of life...

Now those who you think are free,
May not turn out how you imagine to be,
Locked up their feelings inside,
Their only instincts is to hide...

Humanity purposely close their eyes,
From truth they believe are lies,
The only lies comes from within,
Closing their eyes, their only denying...

When I'm With You

2005-04-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

I feel better when I'm with you,
I don't know why I do,
But now when I'm with you,
I feel like a fool...

Knowing that you're not mine,
It hurt in my heart and in my mind,
Love I can't find,
That's why I tried not to look behind..

Seeing what I could see,
Didn't have the courage in me,
To tell you I was jealous,
When I know that you were hers..

When you were in her arms,
My mind raise the alarms,
Knowing that I'm not with you,
I don't know what I'd do...

[{Knight in shining armour}]

2005-04-01T13:28:00.000+08:00

Sweet memories,
Stuck in my mind,
Loving kisses,
I couldn't find...

Tried to hide,
Couldn't see why,
Feelings aside,
I need to cry....

Knight in shining armour,
With you I had a life,
But now It's getting harder,
Trying to find you..Trying 2 survive

love lies

2005-03-31T19:58:00.000+08:00

One dae u said ur sudden gdbye..
dat dae i swore i wouldnt cry..
but tears streamed down n formed a lake..
I tried so hard jus not to break..

You've not come back..will u return?
Dis ache in my heart continues 2 burn..
I tot u'll be here till e dae i die..
I tot u love me but i noe,love lies..

U wont come back 2 sae its alryt..
I dono how I'll live through e nyt..
Dis loneliness tears away at my soul..
Ur e half dat made me whole..

I live my daes n spend hours to weep..
Nighttime i cry myself 2 sleep..
U'll never noe wad u did 2 me..
de one U noe will never be..

Dat one will no longer hav a love filled heart..
Piece by piece u ript it apart..

I made it obvious dat i love u..
If only..If only..u loved me 2..

*PS: dis one not mine but i love it

I'm closer 2 eeuu

2005-03-31T18:38:00.000+08:00

If u noe i'm closer 2 u...
Don't u noe wad i try 2 do?
I'm sorry that i lied,
I'm sorry that i hide..

But what's wrong with u?
Don't u noe i'm closer 2 u?
Giving up this fight,
I'll leave it till another night..

Tears dried..
Sorry i lied..
Damnit Don't noe wad i do..
I'm closer to you..

*Sorry..

smiles

2005-03-29T19:04:00.000+08:00

Piss me off?
Jus fuck off,
Tired waiting 4 u,
Dont u noe wad i do?

Hug my knees,
Wana be free,
Leave me for awhile,
I promise I'll smile.

Sorry 4 wad i did,
Wana b a normal kid,

I hate u

2005-03-27T10:18:00.001+08:00

What is wrong with you?
What didn't you do?
Coz when they spread e word,
Dat i cried when ur nt heard,

You were still standing there,
Knowing I was nowhere,
You said you love me,
You said we were meant 2 be,

Made me cry,
Made me wana hide,
From all e lies,
my thoughts push aside,

I smile,
for the tears to go awae,
I wait awhile,
And wait for another day.

I hate you now,
I dont noe how.

understanding?

2005-03-25T13:35:00.000+08:00

Having fun i was alone
All i could do was wish i was gone
Tears falling down
Mayb i wasnt really around

But if i was?
Wads de cause?
Of all de pain?
Dat came out as fast as de rain?

Pulling us apart
Love didnt hav a heart
Wen i cry
I asked myself why

Am i normal?
Is dat wad im called?

Cryin all by my lonesome
It wasnt a pretty sight
I was alone
So i hold myself tight

Leave me alone

2005-03-18T17:32:00.000+08:00

Leave me alone,
I'm not urs to own,
Leave my tears aside,
While I'm breaking down inside.

Close my eyes,
i still c e sky,
tears rolling down,
wen ur nt around.

Tried so hard not to break,
When my heart started to ache,
Tears falling down,
So leave me alone.

Dreaming

2005-02-26T09:42:00.000+08:00

When I woke up from my dream,
I knew I was still asleep,
When I open my eyes,
I saw the clear blue sky.

In that many cluster of stars,
I search for your face,
I hope you’ll take me far,
So that my life will be in place.

Not knowing what everything is,
Waiting for that one last kiss,
So now my life was confusing,
So my heart felt like breaking.

In this cold and lonely night,
I knew nothing was all right,
I told you I woke up from my dream,
But now I still believe your mine.

You think u know how I feel,
The one who is never killed?
I will never be revive
I can never live my life.

Would it hurt to smile?
Even for awhile?
Even in this pain,
I was retained.

From all the happiness you owed me,
When the sun rises from that hill,
I am still asleep,
But now I’m sure I woke up from my dream.

y did he leave me?

2005-02-26T09:18:00.000+08:00

my best fren is leaving nw im left all alone we knew each other from young..nothing can protect me from wad i feel n dats a promise...i want him back will it hurt 2 hav him back?? y does he hav 2 leave de country?i luv him n i can never tell him i feel...i want ikhtiari n Max 2 b back wif me..y is dat so impossible?? so tell me y am i crying?

hehex my own poems...

2005-02-19T13:01:00.000+08:00

The forgotten

I was the forgotten,
I had the love that was never given,
Love could not be find,
But now could fate be kind?

I was the forgotten,
I was never forgiven,
I heard you say you’ll be here till the day I die,
I though it was forever but I know love lies.

I was the forgotten,
But I was never grieving,
Though I don’t know why,
So now can you just let me by?

let me say

2005-02-18T21:03:00.000+08:00

Let me say

Just let me say,
I can’t live without you,
Even for one day,
And this is what I do.

Just let me say,
My love,
I never want you to go away,
Cause you’re the only one I crave.

Just let me say,
My love will never sway,
Cause love is too divine,
So now let ours shine.

i say dis 2 myself

2005-02-18T21:02:00.000+08:00

Alone

You see me all alone,
You hear me moan,
I was in the rain,
So all you could see is my lonely cold frame.

I thought I didn’t need love,
Though now it is what I crave,
Loneliness was my destiny,
Though I need love in me.

I had no choice,
Now I am damp and moist,
So who will take me in?
It was like I did a sin.

No need for pity,
Just let me free,
All alone,
So now I’m gone.

2 my dream guy

2005-02-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

Dream guy

I want an understanding guy,
He doesn’t come home and sigh,
He doesn’t come home to argue,
Romantic is not only I love you,

Or even baby I do,
Its not even baby you’re mine phew,
Then he might as well stay a dream,
But he doesn’t have to taste like cream,

I told you I want an understanding guy,
He doesn’t have to make me feel like I’m up in the sky,
Though our love may never rise,
At least it doesn’t have a price.

hmmm dono who?

2005-02-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

Moments

A moment is all I need,
For my hunger to feed,
My love for you will grow,
And soon I hope it will show,

All I want is you and I to be together,
If our love is allowed to be forever,
No matter what I’ll take the chance,
Nothing could separate us not even a strong fence,

It’s our moment to shine,
One day I hope you’ll be mine,
Then maybe my hunger don’t need,
To feed.

Thanks

2005-02-18T20:57:00.000+08:00

Thanks

Thank you for being my friend,
I hope your kindness will never end,
Thank you for being there,
I hope you will not go anywhere.

You’re the one that makes me smile,
You never once lie,
You’re always here for me,
And you never once flee.

With the hopes that flows in my ever-flowing stream,
With hopes that you will always be in my dreams,
Only one person could make me feel bad,
Only one person could make me feel sad.

And that is you
I was hoping destiny would be kind,
And I think they gave me a sign,
And it was you.
Thank you

i said dis 2 someone

2005-02-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Pain

I ran from all the pain,
I ran from all my fear,
I felt the icy cold rain,
It went through me like a spear,

I meant what I say,
When I asked you to stay,
I still mean it till this day,
Though I’m the one who ran away,

Our future is in the past,
Cause time went too fast,
No need for crying,
So u can stop denying,

Our love is gone,
And so are you, again

hahakz another one

2005-02-18T20:55:00.000+08:00

Love

No love was too strong,
No love was too great,
Though it did no wrong,
It could not escape its fate.

Holding my hopes not letting it fly,
Hoping that you’ll be here with me,
But just like a bird in the cage, wishing to fly in the sky,
I knew I had to let my hopes and dreams free.

No use for seeing,
No use for being,
Now that I am awake,
My dreams all flaked.

What would happen to me?
If I just let it be,
Would I still be alive?
To change my life?

i gav dis 2 my cuzin wen he said sorry but i didnt..

2005-02-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry

I trusted you from the start,
Then it all fall apart,
You build my hopes so high,
Then you let it all fly,

You saved me from me,
Now you just let me be,
When she appeared,
I disappeared,

You were an absence,
Nothing makes any sense,
I don’t know you,
But jus let me say I am sorry too.

another one of my poems...

2005-02-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

Tears

The tears that fell were from me to you,
It came from the lies that you loved me too,
I wanted to tell you that you failed,
But I wanted to save you from shame.

You lost the race,
Now you left without a trace,
You fell into my life just like the rain,
Now could you fall into my life again?

h8 my stupid cuzin n his gf

2005-02-08T20:38:00.000+08:00

im nt jealous or anything but i jus totally hate it when he sticks around wif his gf more often if he starts saying his name every single time we hav a convesation im going to kill myself by jumping down from the tenth floor

haiz everybody is getting angry wif me

2005-01-30T18:37:00.000+08:00

go 2 religious class get scolded by teacher for not learning.. go back home get scolded by lil bro coz he tynk i took his specs wen he brought it 2 skool so it wasnt me...go play badminton wif lil bro n father get scolded for playing badly....go msn get scolded by fwen coz i dont play wif him gunbound...2morow i hope i hav done my homework.....haiz or else get scolded again....

had a great time

2005-01-29T22:00:00.000+08:00

2dae was jus 2 good 2 b true hahakz mostly i was pampered by my aunties coz dey bought me everything though i did want it...i got 2 sms wif my cuzin 4 so long n it was totally cool breakfast n dinner wif me n my relatives was even better.......i didnt thought 2dae could get even better but i met wif my bes cuzin on de way...it jus so great

Cant blieve i had a crush on my best fren

2005-01-29T15:20:00.000+08:00

I always have been with my best fren. i never felt anything 2 him for a long time so now why now?I blush when i am with him. i always knew he could read me like an open book. so now why do i feel surprise that he reads me? i cant help it. i never felt like this before so why now?all i want 2 do now is 2 be with him with as much time possible and im jus a kid how can this happen to a girl who never felt anything for boyz? i wish someone could help me but im alone with this feeling and i hate it. i think i must get another best fren b4 i blush till i explode.